Self-Love: Inflated Ego or Healthy Living?

Does loving yourself mean being full of yourself or is it a healthy way of being? I am continuously excited by this question. Apparently, I am still running the argument within...or at least still finding the dust balls of former influence under the furniture. I share one of my current challenges below.

 

Ego, as the term is popularly used, thrives on positive evaluation and comparison. With ego, the only way to be OK is to see yourself comparing favorably with   others. You arrange your world so that you can do this. You might broadcast your status or hold onto it quietly. (If you keep it quiet, you judge harshly the arrogant ones who broadcast.) Essentially, though, it’s the same game. A lay-off or other lifestyle loss is very difficult in this world because the ego’s identity rests on what you do and have.

 

Self-love is unrelated to evaluation. It doesn’t have anything to do with how you stack up in the world regarding brains, skills, possessions, or looks. Self-love is something you do that honors life. Like Peter Pan, who exclaimed “Oh, the cleverness of me!”  you delight in being alive. Your delight and worthiness don’t require anyone else to be less.  You breathe; you have toes that wiggle!

 

Think of a beloved pet or small child you have loved. Perhaps you had that sense of a warm and full heart just watching them sleep. When you love yourself you shine that same loving sensation toward your own being? Most of us find that difficult… at first. It helps to picture yourself as a young child. In your mind's eye, hold that child on your lap, and spend some time just rocking him or her. Practicing this creates a shift from self-judgment to self-love.

 

Perhaps you are concerned you’ll have no motivation to be good and do well if you don’t judge and correct (ie. criticize) yourself. Turns out there’s no need to worry. The more you enjoy being alive, the more energy and desire you have to make the most of your life.

 

A current challenge to self-love for me is seeing the aging skin of my face in the mirror. An inner reflex calls out “Do better!”  Hmmmmm…. Yes, I can take good physical care.  Beyond that, loving myself, wrinkles and all, is the healthiest option I’ve got.

 

No one was loved perfectly as a child. We can't change the past, but you and I have the opportunity to give sweet, unconditional love to ourselves now, day after day, hour by hour. May it free us to grow in ways that bring joy to ourselves and those around us.