Neither Forcing Nor Holding Back: Wisdom for Muscles and for Life

When leading my yoga students in a stretch called forward bend, I remind them (and myself) to do the pose “neither forcing nor holding back.”  This solid advice for stretching muscles turns out to be exactly what’s called for in so many areas of life. Neither forcing nor holding back works for our sports, our relationships, our business affairs, and for just about anything worth doing. It is the place where personal will and environment are in synch. It is the place where we get real results and where effort feels easy.

For stretching muscles, neither forcing nor holding back means don’t push or pull the muscle tissue in a way it’s not ready or able to go. If you do, you undermine progress because muscle fibers tighten when in danger. At the same time, don’t overprotect; allow the muscle do what it is ready and able to do. In other words, take the stretch right to where the muscle is both safe enough and challenged enough that it will gradually lengthen to a new limit. Right there. If you are neither forcing nor holding back, you are riding a delicate edge. And you can stay with the edge, like a surfer on a wave, even as it moves. On the edge, you are fully present and adapting second by second to what is. 

Internal body wisdom locates the fine line of the muscle-stretching edge. You might call it a “sweet spot” or “being in the zone.” To make use of the concept in other areas of life, list a few areas that are not working for you in your world right now. Next, ask yourself, 

“How am I forcing what won't be forced?” 

And, 

“How am I holding back?” 

There’s an excellent chance that one or both of those questions will strike gold by pointing you to a change to make to regain your effectiveness. 

Think about the emotionally intimate relationships you have.  “Not holding back,” means bringing all of yourself. Sharing with self-acceptance both the light and the dark of you. It means opening to vulnerability. “Not forcing,” means allowing the other to respond in his or her own way. It means being willing to deal with or dance with what is. This requires slowing down, listening, and learning the language and tempo of the other. Riding this edge is the way to deeper connection. 

Consider the economy. “Not forcing” means not expecting the news to be anything other than what it is right now. “Not holding back” means staying engaged, adjusting as needed, learning the lessons of the times, and being ready for the next stage to come. Riding this edge is the way to make the best of circumstances. 

Consider something mundane such as being delayed in a traffic jam. If I am impatient and angry, I am forcing. My impatience and anger will not make other people better drivers. If I simply zone out to avoid the bother, I am holding back and I am wasting my time. Is there uplifting music I can play, shoulder exercises I can do, a plan I can mentally refine? If I ride the edge here, something worthwhile results from my time in the traffic jam. 

Riding the edge is the place where giving it your all meets the reality of the elements you can’t control. Like the surfer on a good wave, holding the edge may not last long. A little forcing or holding back and suddenly you are tumbling in rough surf. Don’t let it stop you! Each time you climb out of the water to begin again you have new information for how to better ride the next wave. 

So think about your activities at home, at work, and out in the world. Where can you quit forcing? Where can you stop holding back? See what happens when you find your balanced edge and take it for a ride.